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Legally Too Funny, Actual Quotes from the Courtroom

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Moderators: WildKatsKitty, Ravenheart

Legally Too Funny, Actual Quotes from the Courtroom

Postby Ravenheart on Tue Nov 06, 2007 11:05 pm

These are actual quotes of what people said in court, word for word:

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.


    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks


    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?


    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.


    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years


    Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost 499.
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.


    Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.


    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.


    Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?


    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?


    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?


    Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: I went to Europe, Sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?


    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral?


    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


    Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?


    Q: Did he kill you?


    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision


    Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?


    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?


    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Sweet darling you worry too much - My child see the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life - Although you might think that you are

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Postby Wolfspirit on Wed Nov 21, 2007 7:33 pm

LOL :lol: :lol: :lol: I absolutely love those Ravenheart. Thanks for those! It does make you worry about the legal system though :shock:

Wolfie x
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Postby temperance rose on Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:25 pm

ROFL! I love these! It's simply amazing how dumb some people are.
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LOLZ

Postby Plazma Shadowdragon on Fri Jan 18, 2008 2:46 am

The Justice System is a BEAUTIFUL THING!!! LOLZ

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Postby sunmoonstar on Sun Jan 20, 2008 10:04 pm

OMG! Those are too funny!!!!
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My heart lies with them, the sun, moon, and the stars.

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